Lately I’ve been thinking about how I exist in the middle of a multiverse Venn diagram of musical worlds- the most conflicting of them modern hip hop and classic soul, jazz, and r&b. Which, now that I’m writing it, doesn’t make sense for these worlds to conflict when the latter bore the former. Rather than thinking of them as opposing, I see a line running from our current state of music straight through to the past. It was the artists and musicians who came before us who inspired us, anyway. Yet being around people who “don’t get it”, or rather don’t resonate with some of the music I do, makes me feel like an outlier at times. But if I’m around people who love modern hip hop, it’s like I can exhale. I feel understood in a way that I find hard to explain, because I get the arguments or reasons why modern hip hop is disliked. Even I dislike it at times for those reasons. And that’s where the conflict is, because in the middle of that is the acceptance, and recognition I have for the artistry and creativity abundant in it. I think there are other factors at play that make the current state of music what it is, and we should have holistic conversations about those things. Holistic is my new favorite word btw.

As I’m writing this, I’m listening to a fire Travis Scott mix. I recently revisited his 2018 album Astroworld while cooking, just to see if I still like it. I was super hype when it came out and I listened to it heavily back then. I recently discovered the vinyl at my local record store and I keep wondering if I’d want to buy it. So I streamed it, and at first it was very dissonant. Mind you, I’d just spent the day listening to classic singer songwriters from the previous century. I shook off the weirdness of switching worlds and turned the volume up. I immediately started bumping, and the freshness of the sound came rushing back to me. I made a fabulous salad and listened to the album twice through. My internal criticisms of the project faded into the old love I first formed for it. 

Today I met a unique piece of vinyl- a picture disc of Travis Scott featuring one song on one side, his single Highest in the Room. I immediately thought “this is a dumb marketing scheme!” Then I listened to it on the turntable and I started bumping again. And I was looking at the picture disc as I did, admiring the high resolution photo with beautiful colors. And I thought damn, I want this now!!! And Travis Scott proved his marketing genius again. I can’t even be mad, it’s not only smart, but it’s a great song. A really strong track for strong product packaging. 

I also found a used copy of Future’s High Off Life, to which I gasped and squealed. To which my friend looked over at me like “is everything ok??” And proceeded to roll his eyes when he saw the Future LP in my hand. I guess I just want a moment with some fellow ratchet music fans- not that I don’t enjoy being around most music lovers. I just want someone to share my love for all my favorite music.

So maybe that’s why I feel the need to defend myself against, nobody. There is nobody actively judging me for my music tastes, not being disrespectful anyway. Still, I crave validation. Also, I think because I grew up listening to current hip hop I have an innate understanding of it, the kind of understanding that happens to everyone who grew up listening to their favorite music- even if you don’t stay in love with that music in your older years, you still have a soft spot in your heart for it. I kinda wanna vibe with some fellow 20-somethings who came up listening to and loving the things that impacted our early youth.

This internal judging of myself is stemming from a new opportunity I received – ya girl is about to become a DJ! And the space requests (largely) family friendly blues, R&B, soul, jazz, and things of that nature. Things I grew up listening to, but am not as knowledgeable on. Like, knowing the names and artists of songs; there are a lot of songs from that era I know through collective consciousness. I’m a little nervous, mainly because I know so much non-family friendly music by name and artist. But I want the gig to learn, so it’s all gonna work out. I guess I feel bad because I wanna do what I wanna do in my free time- which is listen to stuff I’m familiar and comfortable with. And I feel like I should be mad studying for the gig. While I have several other business ventures and my personal life going on.

Sounds like I’m making it harder on myself than necessary- I can’t be all work and no fun. If I was to advise myself, I’d say “just ride the wave Des. You’re gonna be a great DJ.” This will be the time that I finally get to learn the names and artists of those classic sounds I grew up listening to, and still hear out in the world but can’t place. It’s exciting times.