It’s Monday, and I’m off work, so I thought it would be lovely to go to the gym first thing this morning. But then I thought of staying home and blogging first, and I actually felt more motivated to get out of bed- to get my coffee and a banana, so I could get back in bed and blog. See, although I have dreams of one day changing the world with my writing, my biggest takeaway from having a blog is the option of working at home on a slow morning with a cup of coffee and my laptop. That’s my American dream (part of it).

Taking things for granted

It’s kind of funny, now that I have a blog, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But I spent years wanting one. And I worked tirelessly to build it at the end of 2023. I launched it in February of 2024, and I felt so accomplished. I also felt a little afraid of putting myself out there, but that’s something I’m used to by now. I usually just try to do it anyway.

What’s special about having a blog to me isn’t just having a platform I created to speak my mind, because I still feel some limitations in that. To me, I love the work of creating the blog. I love a slow morning, with my cup of coffee, sunshine pouring in the room, laptop propped up sitting cozy while I work. And the blog is for me more than anyone else, so it feels like a form of self care. It gives me pleasure to spend time on something purely because I want to.

I take it for granted the same way I take being fit for granted; once a long time ago, I really wanted to be in shape, to go to the gym regularly and feel snatched. Now I’m just like oh this is who I am now. This is normal. But once it felt like climbing a mountain; it took time and work and consistency. It took years of rearranging and rearranging my life to accommodate my desires. Now that I’m on the other side of that mountain, I should be more grateful. It’s a blessing to be here.

Why did I start a blog anyway?

I’m prettyy sure mom is the one who gave me the idea. She knows I’m always writing. I have stacks of notebooks and journals hidden in various parts of my home. Not to mention all the writing I do on my phone, or on my computer… I consider it normal, once again this is just who I am. Now that I’ve gotten older I realize everyone is not burning up with the desire to write the way I am. We all have that internal voice going all the time though, and I’m a firm believer that everybody should journal even if they don’t like writing. The benefits of having a safe space for your thoughts and feelings to exist are numerous. I always tell people you’d be surprised at how much you have to say and how the process heals you. My mom always encouraged me to write. When I was younger I kept diaries; when I got older it became journaling. 

When I think of all the writing I’ve done in my life, I feel amazed. I also feel like I want to write so much more. I want to be an author when I get older and I have time to write books. Of course I want to write more and more songs. Albums. I feel no limits with writing. I can keep reaching higher and higher, towards more poetic articulation, more profound ways of expressing. I feel the same way about making music. My passion is boundless. It’s why I’m called DESIRE.

Reflection on blog year #1

I didn’t blog as much as I thought I would this year. For one I got really busy, and it became a low priority. I also found it a weird feeling to write to an audience I can’t see, who I don’t know. Then I don’t know if the content is reaching anybody; I still can’t translate analytics to human connection. And then I found it hard to adjust to holding back; blogging is different from journaling in that I’m not putting all my unfiltered thoughts on the internet. Although I have dreamt about it. I also don’t want my blog to be littered with a bunch of unimportant stuff, which makes me more selective about what I post. In other words, I overthink blogging. 

After 1 year of having my blog, I realize that I don’t know how or if my writing is affecting anyone. But I do know it makes me feel good. And maybe right now, all that matters is that I continue to push forward my individual expression, and growth. I can’t see how it’s changing the world at large, but it changes my inner world in a grand way. I feel fulfilled when I write.

We are all creators

When you put something out in the world, it’s no longer in your hands. You have no control over how it affects people. You only have control over it while it’s still in your hands being created. That’s why it is important to pursue your truest expression until you’ve explored all the possibilities you feel, decide that’s enough, and release. Because you will create again, and you must create again. First for yourself, and then when you release it, it becomes for others as well. Cheers to posting more selfishly in 2025. 🥂