*Deep breath* It’s time for my annual vent about my name.

I hate debating with people about my name. It’s a sore spot. The reason it’s sore is because it gets f****d with regularly. I introduce myself as Desire to avoid confusion. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Even so, I still get looks of surprise, confusion, questioning, and the age-old, “Are you sure it’s not Desiree`?”

Yes. I’m sure.

I feel deeply offended when someone mispronounces my name on purpose. Like bro, it’s not funny. It’s not a joke. My name, my life, my career, is very real to me. So why tf would I think Desiree` is funny? To me it’s like saying, you don’t take me seriously. I don’t know how other people see it. And I don’t feel like it’s my problem what anybody thinks of my name. To me, it’s simply a matter of respect. If you address me, call me by the name I prefer. 

It might be funny if I started joking with the people who joke about my name, and mess up their name on purpose. Nah, I don’t find it funny at all. I always say, if my name was Sarah, it wouldn’t be a problem, would it? Nobody would care. I’d get an, “oh, nice to meet you Sarah” and we would all move on. Instead, every introduction I make is a small conversation. Most of which are not bad, nor offensive. It’s the amount of times I’ve had to ARGUE with people that makes it a sore spot for me.

The main person I’ve argued with is my mom.

I don’t know how many years we argued about my name. And our argument is ironically the same – she named me! 

My middle name is Desire. I HATE telling people my mom wanted it to be pronounced “Deh-zih-ray”, because I don’t want to give ANYONE FURTHER excuse to f*** with me about my name. But ima tell the truth. On every single document I have, my middle name is spelled Desire. What’s funny is, I didn’t learn how to spell my middle name until I was like in middle school. But I knew when I saw it, that it’s Desire. I mean dawg, where do you get “deh-zih-ray” out of that? It literally reads “desire” with a capital D. To me it seems like some people have an existential problem with a human being having the name Desire. Like oh, I can’t be named something powerful? I can’t have a name that’s a verb? A word in the dictionary? Wtf is that? I don’t understand the logic in anyone who debates with me about my name. To me, it’s really simple. Just call me Desire.

I’ve seen people stumble over getting the word desire out, look physically uncomfortable, can’t look me in the eye, can’t hold themselves together because my name is Desire. Some men can’t resist laughing while making flirtatious remarks about me being desirable. It’s so old to me bro. C’mon. Give it up.

I met a really nice woman in Marshall’s once named Barbara. We were vibing about shoes, and then an introduction happened – I told her my name is Desire. She was taken aback. She told me maybe I should introduce myself as *my first name* to men because they might treat me blah blah blah, I forgot what she said. But on the contrary, I love introducing myself as Desire because it lets me know exactly what kind of person I’m dealing with. Someone who feels some type of way about it, and someone who doesn’t. 

The people I work with, my friends, people who look out for me and respect me and protect me, they just call me Desire. And they do it openly. And they don’t make me feel weird about it. They just treat it like my name. Because that’s what it is. A name.

I remember when my best friend Ronin started calling me Desire back in 2017 or 2018. He was the first person to do it – not because I asked him to, but out of respect for the artist I was and who I was becoming. See, we knew each other’s artist names before everybody else did. We were writing music together, planning our releases, our visuals, our timelines. He started calling me Desire to affirm my identity. I began performing as Desire. Eventually, I had to change my social media handles to reflect my artist name. I struggled to find one that made sense, because I couldn’t just be @Desire. Even back then, I had to fight to affirm my identity. Years later, I found a way to describe myself that fit a social media handle nobody else had – Zen. My handle became @zen_desire. But then people started calling me Zen, which threw me off. Because by that time, another good friend of mine, Lawrence Matthews, had already introduced me to everybody he knows as Desire. When he helped me get on at the record store, he told them my name is Desire. When he listed me on the credits for his Don Lifted record, 325i, distributed by the indie label Fat Possum Records, he credited me as “Desire”. From there, it just became the norm. I was just Desire. 

It was only in 2025, when I went to distribute my first album to all platforms via Tunecore, that I was told once again I could not just be “Desire.” There’s an artist who has been active as Desire since 2009; I needed a letter from her or her management to get permission to be just “Desire.” I was always afraid of that happening, because I grew up dreaming of just being “Desire.” Again, I had to make a choice. So I adopted my social media handle, and became Zen Desire – because there is no other Zen Desire in the world.

It wasn’t a choice I made lightly. A name has meaning, and I took on the name because the meaning identifies me. I am Desire because my desire to create is who I am. I am Zen because the concept of zen describes me philosophically, and personally. Zen just describes me, Desire. I can’t explain that a thousand times to everybody I meet. I hope one day I don’t feel like I have to.

I don’t want to have to fight with anybody about my name. Even though I’ve been doing music all my life, and trying to do it professionally for 10 years, it’s only been in the last year or so that my mom quit arguing with me about my name. She grew to respect me professionally as an artist, and she started calling me Desire. I can’t tell you how much of a relief it was, or how much of a relief it is when someone just says, “hey Desire”. Desire isn’t a character or a persona. Zen isn’t a stage name to me. Zen Desire is who I’ve become, who I have strived to be, and dreamt about becoming since I was a little girl. I wish people could understand. At least show some respect. If you’re unsure what to call me, ask.

I don’t mind being called Zen. I’m like okay, that’s fair. But when people act like they have an issue with calling me Desire, I can’t help but wonder, “whose side are you on?” Because I’m a beautiful woman in the world, in the music industry. I’m in a state of vigilance much of the time when I’m out in the world; especially living in Memphis, TN. I shouldn’t have to change my name to feel safe or to appease anybody else’s preferences. If anyone has a problem with my name, it’s a personal one, not mine. 

I mean no one any harm. If I sound angry, it’s because I am. Not at anyone specifically, just at the fight to be myself comfortably. But I guess that’s the path I choose.

To be Zen Desire.

Beyond being an artist and trying to give people “ease” when calling me by name, I’m just used to being called Desire. If 98% of people in my life call me that, it just throws me off when people call me anything else. And to put it point blank, it makes me happy when people call me Desire – it makes me feel safe.

Now that I think about it, few people call me by my whole name, Zen Desire. Now that would be affirming.

Don’t take my frustration personally, it’s just my identity I’m protecting.

Thanks for reading.

-ZD